The Goulding Method: Unleashing Sweet Dreams and Sanity for Parents and Kids
(8 min read)

Nicolas Gerey

We are working on a better future, one child at a time. Parenthood is an exhilarating rollercoaster ride filled with laughter, tears, and the occasional sleepless night. As parents, our goal is to nurture contentment, health, and success in our children by fostering a positive perspective, instilling self-control, and promoting overall well-being.

I started looking for a solution to help children with behavioural issues more than 10 years ago. I thought the key was to give a tool to the parents! A tool that was simple, safe and ethical for parents to help their children that wouldn't take much time to learn or apply. Importantly, its effects would last for life, ensuring the child, and later the adult, would have a positive outlook on life as a well-balanced, resilient person.

Well, I found it, and I've been teaching parents the process for over 10 years now. It's not my invention. It is called the Goulding Method. Its previous, less sophisticated version, used to be known as the SleepTalk Process and was developed by Joane and Jim Goulding more than 50 years ago.

The Goulding Method is a simple process aimed at enhancing children's self-esteem and confidence, while at the same time addressing any behavioural challenges the child may have. Importantly, it is easy-to-learn, requiring only a few minutes each night at bedtime. The process focuses on providing reassurance to the child, expressing the parent's love in a unique manner during their sleep, rather than through conventional displays of affection, such as hugs and kisses.

A certified Goulding Method Consultant guides parents in how to access their child's subconscious while they sleep. In this state, the parents repeat specific positive affirmations. These affirmations, which have been carefully designed and tested for over 50 years, reinforce the child's belief in their parents' unconditional love.

The Method is based on the principles of hypnosis. Research has shown it to be astonishingly effective. Joane Goulding, creator of The Goulding Method, and her associates offered their help to the highly traumatised families as part of the recovery after the 2009 'Black Saturday' bush fires in Victoria, Australia.

The research report, Sleep Talk™ for Children: Promoting emotional resilience following the Black Saturday bushfires¹, stated:

Case histories demonstrated a positive response with improvement reported in 100% of the children involved in this process in one or more of the physical, academic, behavioural, emotional and home domains.

I believe, the secret to the Goulding Method's gentle power lies partly in the beautiful, loving affirmations that the parents share with their child during their nightly natural hypnosis-like sleeping phase and partly in the fact that it is the parent who is speaking to the child. Parents report that the whole family energy shifts to being more positive as the parents are empowered to help their children by repeating beautiful loving affirmations, which unavoidably influences the parents as well.

A German study, exclusively using the Goulding Method, is due to be published in 2024 on treating children with Selective Mutism, which has no agreed treatment. The results reported are 100 per cent positive. All children improved within the six-month period, with some children starting to speak without displaying their previous problems.

I would describe the Goulding Method as both a standalone process and an integrative modality to other approaches.

As a standalone process, a specialist Goulding Method Consultant works with the parents to teach them the Goulding Method and is available for consultation during the minimum three-month period of the process. The Goulding Method Consultant offers professional therapy for the parent and/or child as required.

The Goulding Method, and in particular, the parent-delivered process, rests on three strong pillars:

1. Unconditional parental love
   The foundation of the Method is to plant in the child's subconscious mind the unquestionable belief in their parents' unconditional and eternal love towards them. This is crucial because it forms the basis of a secure attachment between parents and their children. Unconditional parental love means that parents accept and support their children regardless of their actions, behaviours, or achievements. Conditional love e.g. "I love you if you perform well on a test" is proven to be harmful to children.
2. Sleep science
   There are four stages of sleep, divided into two categories. The first three stages are non-REM (rapid eye movement) sleep. The fourth stage is REM sleep. The Method accesses the child's subconscious in the N2 sleep phase. The N2 sleep stage is when the brain is about to slow down to Theta state, which is the state present during hypnosis, deep meditation and light sleep, including the all-important REM dream state. Theta is the realm of your subconscious² and is open to suggestions/affirmations.



3. The power of suggestions or positive affirmations
   Suggestions serve as the cornerstone of hypnosis, guiding individuals toward positive change, healing, and personal growth by tapping into the transformative potential of the subconscious mind. Suggestions in hypnosis directly influence the subconscious mind, which is highly receptive to the messages it receives. Positive suggestions are more likely to be accepted and acted upon by the subconscious, leading to desired changes in behaviour, thoughts, and emotions. The suggestions given to the child are recommended to be under the supervision of a Goulding Method Consultant. For example, with school refusal problems, a suggestion such as: 'You love to go to school' is incorrect. When the subconscious takes this suggestion to heart, the child may love school so much they may be distressed when not at school. A more balanced suggestion would be 'You love learning'. The latter suggestion is a life-long benefit.

These three pillars are supported by the concept of neuroplasticity, the science responsible for the study of the brain's ability to 're-wire' itself. In this case, the input is the sound of the parent's loving voice, repeating positive affirmations each night, during the appropriate sleeping phase, thereby helping the child to develop a more positive and resilient outlook on life.

The ethics of the Goulding Method

Any form of therapy or intervention involving children must meet certain criteria including positive intentions, methods, and potential impact on the child's well-being.

Informed consent is essential to ensure that the parents fully understand the Goulding Method, its purpose, and potential outcomes before engaging in it with their children. Informed consent implies that parents are aware of what they are doing, why they are doing it, and how it may affect their child. Without informed consent, there is a risk of unintended consequences or discomfort for the child.

Parents play a crucial role in the Goulding Method as they are responsible for delivering the suggestions to their child's subconscious mind. Parental responsibility covers adequate training and preparedness to conduct the process responsibly and effectively. Training and supervision by qualified professionals are essential to ensure that parents understand their role and use the Goulding Method appropriately.

Ultimately, the ethics of the Goulding Method hinges on its responsible and conscientious implementation, with a primary focus on promoting the child's emotional well-being, resilience, and positive development. When conducted with care, informed consent, and attention to the child's needs, the Method is a valuable tool for supporting children's growth and self-esteem.

As parents embark on this whimsical journey of whispered affirmations and bedtime banter, remember that a well-rested family is a happy family. So, tuck in your little ones, put on your wizard hat, and let the bedtime magic begin!

Here are some reviews and endorsements from https://gouldingconsultants.com/solutions-for-your-child/:

Since I have begun working with families using the Goulding SleepTalk Method, I have seen incredible positive results for not only the children, but for their parents as well.

Speaking messages of positive self-esteem and unconditional love and acceptance to their children aids in their children's positive behavioural and emotional changes and builds their emotional strength and resilience.

It also helps parents to learn how to better communicate with their children, reduces their anxiety and stress levels, thereby creating a calmer environment in the home, and strengthening the familial bonds.

Disclaimer

Specialised therapists are trained in the Goulding Method. All registered Goulding Method Consultants are accredited by the founder, Joane Goulding, and listed at https://gouldingconsultants.com/category/consultant/.

Recommended reading

The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
The SleepTalk (*Goulding) Process by Joane Goulding
Joane goulding's website https://gouldingconsultants.com/
The author's page at https://gouldingconsultants.com/nicolas-miklos-gerey

Nicolas Gerey is a Goulding Method Consultant, trainer and mentor. He is also a clinical and medical hypnotherapist and NLP Master practitioner with more than 20 years' experience. He trained in Europe, Australia and the USA. Presently he is living in Europe. When he lived in Melbourne, Australia, he taught body language and emotions for actors at the Australian Film and TV Academy (TAFTA).